Me thoughts

I've always felt I haven't seen much of the world. Me and my family never went to holidays together. I never dreamt about a life abroad when I was younger. I had never seen anything else but Scandinavia until I was 11 and I went to UK with school. However, I did like it but I never had the thought I would move there. But it sometimes hits me that I actually don't live in Sweden anymore. I actually took my life to another country, and really. It feels amazing when I think about it. I'm so proud. I can do anything!!! If I managed to move to another country, I can do whatever!

Like now, I just moved to a new place, because I wanted to. I did it. No one said "No Linda, you can't do that!" I did it. What I like the most with my self is that if I decide to do something. I do it. With no doubt. I really just do it. Nothing can stop me when I'm sure about it. It actually feels good.

I think that my choice to move to a new place was exactly what I needed. I am a restless person and I can quite quickly get tired of places/things. And now, it hasn't even been a week, I already feel 10 times more alive than I did on the other place. On my old place I was constantly worried to find a cockroach in my bed, I wasn't comfortable to try to cook. The place was alright when I moved in but it slowly sucked the life out of me. I must say the last 3 months I have NOT been myself completely. And I really hope I'm on my way back to normal now when I have a place I feel much more comfortable in. This area is also much, much better!

I have even start thinking I look quite good when I take time to do my make up and my hair. The last months I haven't even cared over my look. I was way to down in the shit to even care if I had make up on or not. It was almost so common I didn't even recognized myself when I actually styles myself. However, I already feel more comfortable. I died my hair light brown instead of blond and I think I'll soon go a bit darker. I feel that I'm growing. I'm in the part where I'm growing more. I was stuck for a while, but it's time to grow up even more. I'm getting 1 year older soon anyways, yes!!!
I still want to be a bit older. I don't enjoy my age. I feel like my mind and spirit is older than my body. It's strange. I'm more into cozy evenings, drinking tea and just give myself quality times, than go out every weekend, drink my ass off or be out and about. It can be fun, and when I do go out for a drink or something, I do enjoy it. Might be weird to live in London and just live a calm, basic life.
Well, well.

My only concern is that I'm a bit worried that I'm stuck. Stuck in life. How do I go on? What's my next step? I do have a dream about a certain thing, but I will need to get myself together completely and also save some more money. But also, how do I find a job where I can develope? Will I always be in London from now? Will London be my new Växjö where I in the end feel like "Oh fuck this city is sooo annoying?" Will it be like that? I know one thing about my future. One thing. I will not live in Sweden. That's the only thing I'll know. In one way I'm thinking what if it just goes on and I will be here in 10 years? Haha, that would still be quite cool, but then again I'm not sure if that's what I want. I really need to figure out what I want. I think I need to get away from London and get some distance to see what I feel about this city. And I don't mean I want to go to Sweden for distance. It will always be hard to leave Sweden because I'm  really bad at saying goodbye, doesn't matter how many times we say goodbye, I always feel a good bye in my heart.

Since I started work where I work, and sell holidays and hotels. I've got a huge craving for travelling. I want to be a tourist. I want to go somewhere where I don't know anything. I want to explore. I want to feel lost, amazed and relaxed. I want to do that, to get some distance from London to see how it feels to come back. I don't have plans to leave London now. But then again, I'm not sure this is the place for me. Even if it does feel very right.

Well, I'm never been the one who really plan my future very strict. I've just always had something I knew was coming. Like after 9th grade it was high school, after high school it was unemployed-time, after that I went to London and now I am here, so what's next? I'm just taking everything as it comes, but then again I know if I don't do anything, nothing will change. So I'll just take the time as it comes and let my mind and heart decide how it feels and what it's time to do.

I really don't know what I wanted with this post. Sometimes it's just good to write down your tought and I'm million times better to let my feelings out by writing than any other ways.

Except that I'm really worried and knocked down as it seems like I might not be able to go to Sweden over Christmas, I'm actually feeling very good at the moment. Mentally at least! Just need to start working out and get my body together.. such a mess! But that's another post, haha! :-)

However, all in all I'm so happy for being me. I'm so proud of myself. I actually love myself! HELL YEAH! x