See you never?

My head is pounding, I'm tired, confused, sad and totally devastated. My life went from top to bottom in just one aftetnoon. If I had proves I'd actually would have taken this far. But when someone lies to me about things like money, I will not be nice anymore. It's not ok to take a dream away.

I'm embarrassed, angry and I do take a big part of the blame, but I'm still so disappointed on humans. I'm too tired to tell everything in detail but I'll be very lucky if I can go back and stay in London and finish my education. I'm desperately trying to find a job right now and that's the only thing I'll do before I go back the 5th. Either I just have to go there, grab my stuff and go back to the horrible Sweden. Or a miracle will happen and I'll have a job as soon as possible so I can get some money.

But one thing is sure, if I can't stay. I'm 100% sure that I'll never, ever go back to London again. I love the city with all of my heart and I would love to start a life there. But ever since I got there, I've had so bad luck and if this how it'll end, I'm done. I'll never go back. I'll try somewhere else, but London will never be the same if I have to stop here. Fact.

I was crying for hours yesterday and on the night I had a last birthday party with friends. First it felt like I couldn't do it, but I think a good night out was what I needed. Today I'm just empty, I can't relax completely, I can't really eat, I'm just like a empty box. I feel nothing and I feel everything.

Everything have just been a big fucking misunderstanding and I just want to delete everything in my memory. London felt like a dream and maybe it was.  In some way I feel that it's better to stay here and just leave the city and be a normal smalltown girl again. Try to find a job or something.
Forget everything about London. It was a good time but it was just a long, weird, strange dream.

Anyhow I'll go back the 5th and sees what happens before and after that. I dont have any hopes at all. But let's see. Everything happens for a reason, they say.