spring break is over

So, my spring break is over. Seriously, can we freeze the time just for a little while? Time goes too fast. I'm freaking out. It's less than 2 months then everything is over. Sure, I want to stay here and I will really try my best. I'm applying for jobs but so far I've not been succesful. Well, I'm just going to keep trying and not give up. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to London and my life here. I can't see myself sit in Sweden, be unemployed for another 5 months, (because that's how it is in Sweden) and just fall back to depressing feelings. I've been there and I'm not going back. Never. Ever. I want to be happy and just start my life. It feels like if I don't get a job soon after this, I don't even know. It's like I'm stuck. I've been stuck for years after graduation. I just want to start my real life. Start earning money, have a own home, take care of myself, learn how to cook, understand the grown-up life. Now I just feel like something in the middle. I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm not old enough to understand everything. I'm just here. My problem is that I don't even know what I want to do. I wwant to stay here, but in what business? I have no idea. It doesn't matter how many hours and how many late nights I stay awake trying to figure it out. I feel like I'm not good enough in anything. Sure I like fashion, I like writing, I like photography, music.. but I'm not super passionated or know very much. Since the time in school slowly is running out, the more I feel stupid for still not figured it out. I thought these nine months would help me. But no, all I know is that I want to be here. That's it.

But school, oh god... I'm so extremely not excited to go back to that shithole tomorrow. Even if that's the reason why I can stay here right now. My new timetable is ok except on Fridays. I have a break between 11.40 to 5.05. HELLO?! What are you thinking? I'm not ok with this. Will tell them to change.

I've noticed that when I write on computer, which I don't do very often. I write so much. It's like I can't stop. I express myself so much better when I'm writing but it's hard to write on a tablet, if you compare to a laptop where you just can let your fingers dance over the keyboard.

Well, the spring break. It was great. Ok, we wasted the first week basically. Didn't do much at all. Just relaxed, which have made me a bit lazy now, haha. But last Tuesday my mom finally came to London. It was sooo much fun. I really miss her now though.We did basically everything in 2 days. Big Ben, London Eye, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly, Oxford St, Notting Hill, Camden, Canary Wharf, Greenwich, Tower Bridge, Westfield... you name it. She left this Saturday morning, so it was a bit sad. I found myself sobing on the bus back home. I'm a a crybaby, haha.

Yesterday we found out that the TV is working. So now we watch it all day long, haha. Found a million of music-channels, so right now I'm watching musicvideos from 2009. Quite fun with flashbacks. "Only girl in the world" with Rihanna right now, love that song!

But ok, now I'm just writing shit, haha. Should stop and just write something for myself. Take care peeps, cheers and kiss x