I think I know what my issue with Brighton is. I'm bored. It's so bloody boring. I've got so addicted to be in a big city where there's ALWAYS something happening. Where you can explore a completely new place every single day. Where there's always people around you to be inspired by, where the inspiration basically is everywhere.
Here, I have no inspiration at all. I just did my make up for 2 hours. And still when I look in the mirror I just see a bored face, there's no sparkle in my eyes. I've tried for ages to take a good selfie, but I just look bored and if I do try to fake a happy smile it just looks fake.
How I see it is, that my "relationship" with London, I can't get over it. It's like I just can't stop thinking about it. It's like getting over an ex. Even if I have a "replacement" city, I just can't get over London. London is where I found myself, where I grew the most, where I felt home and that this is where I belong. London is what makes me feel good.
In Brighton, it feels like everyone here has a stable life, everyone has everything they need cuz a lot of people already is from this area. I am feeling like such an outsider.
I can't find energy to do anything at all. I'm stuck in a bad circle. I am so bored and I think in the long run it will kill me.
I don't know if I have to get out of the bad accommodation I have now or if I need to get out from this city completely. I have tried so hard to like it but it just never clicks.
I don't know what to do with my life.
from Sweden to UK
söndag 27 mars 2016
söndag 20 mars 2016
How I feel - and I don't know a shit
I am going to be honest with how I feel. I feel shit. I don't know if it's because I'm a girl and I'm on that time of the month (however I have felt like this longer than just that) or if it's my yearly winter-depression that is still going on or why I feel so low, I don't know. I don't have a concrete reason to feel this shit.
I came to Brighton 6 months ago and the second the train rolled into the station my FIRST impression was "Ehm...is this it?" I was expecting a big station, I was expecting something similar to London Victoria. I had never been in Brighton before I moved down here. I had lived in London for 2 years, one of the largest cities in the world. Of course ANYTHING would feel small compared to London, but I was expecting something like maybe Stockholm. I thought Brighton was a big city. Because I moved from a small city to a big city for a reason. I am a big city-girl. My heart has always beaten a bit harder for big cities. While I grew up in Sweden my dream was always to move to Stockholm, because it was big. I love being surrounded by a rush. I love going on public transport, having music in my ears and just seeing the buildings pass by. I love having MILLIONS of options of places to go to.
So when I did come to Brighton I realized quite quickly that I was back in a city which reminded me more about my home town rather than Stockholm or Gothenburg. I am never the person who gives up and doesn't give things a chance. I never want to be the one thinking "I wonder what would happen if..." so I stayed. 6 months later, I have realized that in the meantime of being here I have lost myself. I have Everything I need to have a good life. There's nothing I miss in my life. I have an income, I have a place to sleep, I have people who cares about me. I have everything but myself. I don't recognize the girl in the mirror anymore. I have lost all confidence in myself. I have gone back to being the shy girl I was before I moved to UK. I feel so awkward and I feel like I don't fit in. I was so impressed by myself before that I actually stepped out from my comfort zone and I could do basically whatever I wanted because I wasn't shy and insecure anymore. Now it's the opposite, I don't feel like I can do anything. Because the shy girl has come back and I can't seem to push her away again.
I am living in the smallest room I've ever lived in. I have so much stuff that I don't have anywhere to put. It's the first time I am living alone. Like alone, alone. I don't mind being alone sometimes, I am a quite independent girl. But I have realized that I am not the one to live alone, alone. At least not in a small room like this. Only time I hear my neighbors is when they go to the toilet that is outside my room. All I have in this room is me and my thoughts.
Even if I like my job. I feel like I am not good enough. Because I'm shy. And I don't know what to say to people.
And even if I do my make up for 2 hours and do my hair. I don't see the girl I used to see. I used to look in the mirror and think "Damn, I look freaking fierce today". I don't see that anymore. I can still see that I look OK but I don't get impressed anymore over how good my make up turned out etc. I'm just dressing in black mostly and I every time I go and do some shopping, I just end up buying clothes with no "personality". I used to know what my style is but nowadays I don't.
I don't know if this is a identity-crisis, if it's a age-crisis. I'm in an age where I'm still "ridiculously young" but I'm still grown up. I don't know how to act. I want to be the wild child because I'm still young, but also I want to be mature and have a stable life.
I can't even drink anymore. I have lost all my interest in drinking. It's long time ago since I used to be a party animal, but now, I'm lucky if I am ever in a party-mood. I'm mostly feeling low because I think I am boring because I literally never wants to party or drink a single drink.
I don't say it's a must to drink alcohol. But I can't even finish one drink anymore. Because I don't want to risk feeling bad the next day. Even if I know one drink wont get me drunk and hungover. But then again I miss the girl who went out dancing every weekend, or just took a drink for fun's sake.
I don't know if this is because I have been abroad for over 2,5 years. And I've been away from family and friends so much that I start to forget who I actually am. For each time I leave Sweden, the more it hurts. It's always been painful to leave, but nowadays I am crying my heart out every single time.
I know people can't visit me. It's over 2 years ago since last time. But
I am just hoping happiness will come with summer. But I also know I probably have to do some changes in my life. I hope I can find myself again. I hope this overrated city will give me my soul back and I hope I one day can walk out in the town and feel like home. Just like I feel in London and Sweden.
I came to Brighton 6 months ago and the second the train rolled into the station my FIRST impression was "Ehm...is this it?" I was expecting a big station, I was expecting something similar to London Victoria. I had never been in Brighton before I moved down here. I had lived in London for 2 years, one of the largest cities in the world. Of course ANYTHING would feel small compared to London, but I was expecting something like maybe Stockholm. I thought Brighton was a big city. Because I moved from a small city to a big city for a reason. I am a big city-girl. My heart has always beaten a bit harder for big cities. While I grew up in Sweden my dream was always to move to Stockholm, because it was big. I love being surrounded by a rush. I love going on public transport, having music in my ears and just seeing the buildings pass by. I love having MILLIONS of options of places to go to.
So when I did come to Brighton I realized quite quickly that I was back in a city which reminded me more about my home town rather than Stockholm or Gothenburg. I am never the person who gives up and doesn't give things a chance. I never want to be the one thinking "I wonder what would happen if..." so I stayed. 6 months later, I have realized that in the meantime of being here I have lost myself. I have Everything I need to have a good life. There's nothing I miss in my life. I have an income, I have a place to sleep, I have people who cares about me. I have everything but myself. I don't recognize the girl in the mirror anymore. I have lost all confidence in myself. I have gone back to being the shy girl I was before I moved to UK. I feel so awkward and I feel like I don't fit in. I was so impressed by myself before that I actually stepped out from my comfort zone and I could do basically whatever I wanted because I wasn't shy and insecure anymore. Now it's the opposite, I don't feel like I can do anything. Because the shy girl has come back and I can't seem to push her away again.
I am living in the smallest room I've ever lived in. I have so much stuff that I don't have anywhere to put. It's the first time I am living alone. Like alone, alone. I don't mind being alone sometimes, I am a quite independent girl. But I have realized that I am not the one to live alone, alone. At least not in a small room like this. Only time I hear my neighbors is when they go to the toilet that is outside my room. All I have in this room is me and my thoughts.
Even if I like my job. I feel like I am not good enough. Because I'm shy. And I don't know what to say to people.
And even if I do my make up for 2 hours and do my hair. I don't see the girl I used to see. I used to look in the mirror and think "Damn, I look freaking fierce today". I don't see that anymore. I can still see that I look OK but I don't get impressed anymore over how good my make up turned out etc. I'm just dressing in black mostly and I every time I go and do some shopping, I just end up buying clothes with no "personality". I used to know what my style is but nowadays I don't.
I don't know if this is a identity-crisis, if it's a age-crisis. I'm in an age where I'm still "ridiculously young" but I'm still grown up. I don't know how to act. I want to be the wild child because I'm still young, but also I want to be mature and have a stable life.
I can't even drink anymore. I have lost all my interest in drinking. It's long time ago since I used to be a party animal, but now, I'm lucky if I am ever in a party-mood. I'm mostly feeling low because I think I am boring because I literally never wants to party or drink a single drink.
I don't say it's a must to drink alcohol. But I can't even finish one drink anymore. Because I don't want to risk feeling bad the next day. Even if I know one drink wont get me drunk and hungover. But then again I miss the girl who went out dancing every weekend, or just took a drink for fun's sake.
I don't know if this is because I have been abroad for over 2,5 years. And I've been away from family and friends so much that I start to forget who I actually am. For each time I leave Sweden, the more it hurts. It's always been painful to leave, but nowadays I am crying my heart out every single time.
I know people can't visit me. It's over 2 years ago since last time. But
I am just hoping happiness will come with summer. But I also know I probably have to do some changes in my life. I hope I can find myself again. I hope this overrated city will give me my soul back and I hope I one day can walk out in the town and feel like home. Just like I feel in London and Sweden.
lördag 2 januari 2016
Own Youtube channel
Hi again darlings,
Just to let you know that I now have my own YouTube. It would mean a lot if you pressed the subscribe button and liked my videos! I am currently uploading some old videos but I have some new coming up very soon, so don't miss out! Thank you babes xxx
When will I fall in love?
I don't hate Brighton. I don't like Brighton. I feel nothing for this city. I feel absolutely nothing. I miss walking out in a city and just falling in love with everything I see. I miss sitting on a bus and have my heart just suddenly exploding because of the thought of the city I was living in. I've never felt so confused about my life like now. I don't want to leave, because I've finally got a job I enjoy and I have people around me that I like. I finally have my "own" place. I have every single possibility to have a great life now. I don't want to move back to London and I am not really ready for Sweden either, so therefore I should make the best out of the situation and make Brighton my new love. But still, I don't feel a thing for this city. I just want the winter to be over so the sunshine can come back because I think this city is more of a summer city. I know I always get a bit low and sad over the winter months because that's the affect the darkness have on me. I need sunshine.
I just want to slap myself in my face sometimes and tell myself to wake up and don't complain. Because there is nothing wrong with Brighton. When I sit down for myself and think of what I don't like about this place, I don't know what I don't like. It just doesn't have "it". I know what I miss. But I don't know what I want. I think I said it after my first 2-3 days here that Brighton is so perfect it's almost too perfect. And it is. It's walking distance to everything, it's close to the sea. It's easy to get to the airport when I'm flying home. It's just great. But still it's like my heart is refusing to fall for this city. In London I was in love with the city every single day. I had my low days in London too.. a long time I was very depressed when I lived there, but every single day I was in love with the city. I could go anywhere and know that I wouldn't see any familiar faces. To be a complete stranger felt so good. I could walk around dressed like the fancypancy lady I was back then. I have lost my core. I thought I'd find it when I got back to Sweden, but I still feel so confused.
I know who I am but for some reason I am hidden so deep down inside me and I don't know how to bring the old me back. I'm so annoyed at myself. I really don't like myself right now.
I want the spring to come now and hopefully I will fall in love with Brighton and hopefully I'll bloom and find myself again because I'm sick of the girl who is so lame.
Happy new year. x
söndag 20 december 2015
TMI.
1: What are you wearing? - My pajamas.
2: Ever been in love? - I have.
3: Ever had a terrible breakup? - Wow, tell me about it.
4: How tall are you? - 155 cm short.
5: How much do you weigh? - No idea but too little and I do hate it.
6: Any tattoos? - None and will probably never get one either.
7: Any piercings? - Only in my ears.
8: OTP? - Hm... I don't have one, I'm sorry.
9: Favorite show? - Maybe Solsidan
10: Favorite bands? - The Ark!
11: Something you miss? - My family and my cats.
12: Favorite song? - There's too many! At the moment it's Sugar with Robin Schulz
13: How old are you? - Just turned 22 WOOOP!
14: Zodiac sign? - The coolest one, Sagittarius
15: Quality you look for in a partner? - Kindness and humour
16: Favorite Quote? - Don't really have one...
17: Favorite actor? - Ehm... I don't have one haha. #boringperson
18: Favorite color? - I've turned out to be one of those people who only wear black, so I must say black.
19: Loud music or soft? - Loud as fuck.
20: Where do you go when you’re sad? - To bed.
21: How long does it take you to shower? - 15 - 20 min
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 40 min.
23: Ever been in a physical fight? Nope.
24: Turn on? Nice hair.
25: Turn off? - Smokers, blehhhhh!
26: The reason I started my blog? - To write about stuff.
27: Fears? - Losing people I care about.
28: Last thing that made you cry? - Stupid thoughts about myself.
29: Last time you said you loved someone? - I don't even remember. #heartlessbastard
30: Meaning behind your blog name? - well it's my name
31: Last book you read? - I don't read books.
32: The book you’re currently reading? - I said I don't read books.
33: Last show you watched? - Musikhjälpen
34: Last person you talked to? - Mom
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? - My babe
36: Favorite food? - Tacos
37: Place you want to visit? - Greece and Iceland
38: Last place you were? - Toilet
39: Do you have a crush? - Yeahh
40: Last time you kissed someone? - Friday
41: Last time you were insulted? - Hm, don't know actually.
42: Favorite flavor of sweet? - salty!
43: What instruments do you play? - Nothing cuz I'm untalented like that.
44: Favorite piece of jewelry? - my katy perry necklace
45: Last sport you played? - ice skating
46: Last song you sang? - Latch - Disclosure and Sam Smith
47: Favorite chat up line? - I don't chat up people haha.
48: Have you ever used it? - No.
49: Last time you hung out with anyone? - Thursday
SURPRISE - I've updated my blog!
Hi my honeypies!
Just checking in and saw I still have some visitors here! You must have wondered what happened since my last post.
I would suggest you subscribe to my YouTube-channel to find out!
I can make a little update here also tho. Only if you promise to subscribe to the channel! Ok?
I am now living in Brighton. I absolutely hated it when I first came down. I just could not get the hype. Honestly, sometimes I still hate it. It is real small and that's what bothers me. But I don't hate it as much as I did in the beginning. I'm still trying to settle down but I think after NYE things will fall in to place and I'll probably be able to just go with the flow and enjoy life. I stayed in a hostel for 2 months, had two jobs that I did not enjoy to the fullest, and I have now finally found a job that I think I'll be happy with, which feels great!
I have found a room to rent in the PERFECT location of the city, 5 sec to supermarket, 10 sec to the station, 2 min to work and 10 min to the mall. Woop. It's a bit small, but it'll do for now. Wish it was a bit more of the Swedish standard, but I've decided next time I move whenever or wherever that'll be I'm going to save a huge amount of money so I can get somewhere with a nice standard.
I am so extremely happy because on Wednesday I am going home. I'm finally meeting my family and friends again. I can not lie but it is a struggle sometimes to be away from everything you are born and raised with. I love UK, but home will always be home. I will forever be Swedish and I realized this year when I almost had to stay in UK over X-mas that I'm so bloody scared of changes of certain things. I'm not scared of changes in the daily life but a tradition like x-mas, I have too much love for the Christmas I'm used to so I am so genuinely happy my new job let me go home for a while.
I can't wait to enjoy the Swedish food, hug my nephews and nieces and just feel like a kid again. No matter I just turned 22, when I get back home to mom I always feel like a kid again.
Oh, I have a laptop now as well. (Congrats Linda, that only took you like 9 months to get since your old one burned up) so if I have time I might start writing here again. I know my lovely friend Mikaela told me to update again! Hope you are happy now sweetheart. :-)
Okey, I don't really have anything more to say. I could write a book just because when I once start writing I never stop. But let's stop here and you guys subscribe to mine and Alexandra's YouTube ok? Good.
Merry Christmas
xxxxxxxxx
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5ub74iPEHX1mabI_-CJobw
Just checking in and saw I still have some visitors here! You must have wondered what happened since my last post.
I would suggest you subscribe to my YouTube-channel to find out!
I can make a little update here also tho. Only if you promise to subscribe to the channel! Ok?
I am now living in Brighton. I absolutely hated it when I first came down. I just could not get the hype. Honestly, sometimes I still hate it. It is real small and that's what bothers me. But I don't hate it as much as I did in the beginning. I'm still trying to settle down but I think after NYE things will fall in to place and I'll probably be able to just go with the flow and enjoy life. I stayed in a hostel for 2 months, had two jobs that I did not enjoy to the fullest, and I have now finally found a job that I think I'll be happy with, which feels great!
I have found a room to rent in the PERFECT location of the city, 5 sec to supermarket, 10 sec to the station, 2 min to work and 10 min to the mall. Woop. It's a bit small, but it'll do for now. Wish it was a bit more of the Swedish standard, but I've decided next time I move whenever or wherever that'll be I'm going to save a huge amount of money so I can get somewhere with a nice standard.
I am so extremely happy because on Wednesday I am going home. I'm finally meeting my family and friends again. I can not lie but it is a struggle sometimes to be away from everything you are born and raised with. I love UK, but home will always be home. I will forever be Swedish and I realized this year when I almost had to stay in UK over X-mas that I'm so bloody scared of changes of certain things. I'm not scared of changes in the daily life but a tradition like x-mas, I have too much love for the Christmas I'm used to so I am so genuinely happy my new job let me go home for a while.
I can't wait to enjoy the Swedish food, hug my nephews and nieces and just feel like a kid again. No matter I just turned 22, when I get back home to mom I always feel like a kid again.
Oh, I have a laptop now as well. (Congrats Linda, that only took you like 9 months to get since your old one burned up) so if I have time I might start writing here again. I know my lovely friend Mikaela told me to update again! Hope you are happy now sweetheart. :-)
Okey, I don't really have anything more to say. I could write a book just because when I once start writing I never stop. But let's stop here and you guys subscribe to mine and Alexandra's YouTube ok? Good.
Merry Christmas
xxxxxxxxx
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5ub74iPEHX1mabI_-CJobw
onsdag 2 september 2015
What's wrong? Whats right?
In 6 days I am leaving one of the biggest loves of my life. London. I'm leaving for Brighton. I don't know how long I'm leaving. Two weeks? Two months? Two years? Forever? I really don't know. It feels like this whole thing is out of my hands and I can not even get the slightest grip of it. I don't know what to feel or what to think. I'm laying sleepless in the nights, tossing ans turning and just want to feel something obvious. I want to see a clear Yes or No. But I can't. People might think I'm out of my mind. Yes, I am a bit nuts. I've always been doing the strangest things. So I don't want to skip it all without trying. I want to know if London is the best place for me, or if maybe another part of England is even better? How can I know if I never try? If you never try you never know. You need to be brave. Push the limits. The best thing is, that even if I would find out after just two weeks that I can not see a life in Brighton, and then move back to London, I will not feel like a failure. Because then I know that London is the best home I can have by now. London really feels like home. On Tuesday it's 2 years ago since I touched down in London.
Back then I felt like a small, shy girl. Two years later I'm a completely independent young woman. I earn my own money, I pay my own rent I cook my own food. Like wow! If you knew me before I moved you know cooking food and taking care of money wasn't my best side. I'm so proud of who I am and what I've accomplished so far. Sure, some days I cry and feel like the worst person in the world. But I can still think that I am such a cool chic. I left my home country, all by my self.
I'm glad I'll have one of my best friends with me in Brighton. I would never do it myself.
I've started pack my things. As the biggest cry baby I am, I'll probably cry when the train is leaving London. It's not even far. 50 minutes with the train. But still. My beloved, amazing London.
lördag 9 maj 2015
Jag ville skriva något. Men nu vet jag inte vad jag ska skriva. Jag är i en sån tid i livet då jag inte tänker på dagen, men på natten dras allt igång.
Jag är arg, ledsen och sårad, men mest arg. En dos förvirring på det också så har ni min hjärna. Jag är arg på hur människor kan vara så okänsliga mot varandra och något som en gång var något bra har förvandlats till något patetiskt tomrum. Allt till inget. Jag låter så sällan något såra mig, men ibland, när jag blir sårad hamnar jag i någon form av autopilotsläge. Jag fungerar, men ändå inte. 95% av tiden intalar jag mig att det inte är värt att vara sårad. För min hjärna vet mycket väl att jag inte förtjänar det. Jag vet att jag inte ska gråta, därför gråter jag inte. Även om jag gråter en del på insidan. En ständig svag smärta i bröstet.
Jag är glad att jag är hemma i Sverige ett tag. Imorgon träffar jag några av de bästa jag vet, mina brorsbarn. Ingenting kan bli finare än dom. Ingenting.
De vet hur man lindrar smärta av att bara existera. De är kärlek. Äkta kärlek.
onsdag 8 april 2015
I am giving exhausted a face
I don't complain, because I think it is quite fun to work, I enjoy my new job! But at the moment I am working 6-7 days a week and I am not used to that. I am so exhausted I have never felt something like this before. By the end of the month I will be able to make some decisions, as it all depends on my budget. The reason I work so much is that my old/first job was paid weekly and my new job is monthly. So before I get my monthly payment I need to keep my weekly income. Which leads to lots of work but a tired body. It's good tho, that when I do work I don't feel tired as I focus on the job, but when I come home I feel exhausted. I don't feel sorry for myself, and like I said, I do enjoy it. It's just my little body is not used to this and this has made me decide that when I will be able to have some holiday later this year, I am definitely going on a holiday. There's been a lot of things I have wanted to save money for, but now I don't doubt that on my next break, I'm taking off. I want to go to Sweden, but I also want to go anywhere else. Some place where I don't have to think about anything at all. Believe me, I love to go and visit Sweden, but as I am always there on such a short time it can be stressful to as I want to meet so many people, and people expect me to do this and do that and so on.. but I promise, I will visit Sweden too later on!
Now I'm just going to take a deep breath, keep chilling in my bed and keep working hard for the next two weeks until I get paid and I can see how to organise my life and budget.
måndag 6 april 2015
Some nights I stay up
I've always been very good at underestimating myself. It's not that I push myself down so hard so I don't even try if I give myself a challenge. But I always have a thought in my head saying "Linda, you'll do alright but you will never be the best." I have always been the shy girl for who it can take ages, years to be completely comfortable with basically anything. I have lived in London almost 1,5 year now and I definitely feel like home, but I can still sometimes feel like a complete stranger. Even if it's rough in this city sometimes I really can't see myself move back to Sweden. I don't know what I would do there. I love my family and friends to bits but I would in the long run not be happy to lice there. Not at the moment at least. The only thing that makes me think, is how much I have changed. Yes, I have grown so much, I can not even explained. But still, I sometimes miss the old teenage-Linda. I was just scrolling through my instagram and I could not even see the smallest similarity in my style or anything. It felt like I was looking at a completely different girl. Yes, I know, you grow up, your style changes, life changes, everything changes. But it just made me sad, because I have almost stopped using make up (I still wear it for one of my jobs) but if I'm going shopping or basically anything. I can not be bothered to care. And, yes, clothes are not everything. But for me, basically when I dress in something I like, I feel better, but it's more like a bad habit to just take some old jeans and a hoodie nowadays, and therefore I feel less..everything. I'm in the state where I feel like the most boring girl in the world. Honestly, I feel quite useless. I am working pretty much 7 days a week at the moment, so I don't have a lot of time to think about anything, except when I go to bed and all thoughts comes to you. And all I hear is, "Linda, you are doing all right, you will be ok, but don't expect anything fantastic". I've started to pressure myself so hard lately, so "all right" and "ok" is not enough. I want to be amazing. I want it to be great. So many times I've been thinking that tomorrow I'll throw away all stupid thoughts, but still, here I am feeling pretty much like a loser, and I don't know what to do. I know that I should be proud, and I am, because I now have two jobs, a room, and I pay my own bills, buy my own clothes etc. in London. My issue is I don't know what I want. I've ended up in a bad mental circle. I really don't know, one day I want to dye my hair brown, next day I don't, I want to book a weekend away to another part of UK or wherever, next day I feel that whatever. I've lost the spontaneous side. I'm stressed, I work more this month than I've ever, ever done. If I do have a day off I sleep away half of it. I'm stressed because I haven't been in Sweden since Christmas and can't probably go there before maybe summer. I'm stressed because I want to go on a holiday, another place than Sweden. I need to get out from this city and be a tourist and see something new. I am stressed because I need a new laptop and a new telephone. I am stressed because I am stressed and I know what stress can do. I'm stressed because my brain is telling me to be someone I don't really want to be. I am myself, but I am myself in a limited version.
I'm not happy about myself.
Good night.
fredag 6 mars 2015
Sunny sunshine
I had a day off today and the weather was amazing!!! It use to rain every time I have a day off. So today, believe it or not, I walked around in a crop top. I just felt happiness crawl up on me. Spring is really just around the corner!
I went to Westfield as I'm in urgent need or new shoes. I came home with anything except shoes. I've become so picky. I can't just buy some shoes just because anymore... I really hope my inspiration comes back with the sun. And also that I can figure out my style. Lately I've bought anything from classy dresses and tops, to crop tops with emojis on. Like cmon Linda, get it together. How the fuck do Linda 21 dress? I can't even imagine to dress like I did as a teenager. Well, spring means less clothes which means less problems, haha.
Yesterday I was thinking about how easy it is to make someone smile. Yesterday I was told probably the kindest things I've heard in a really, really long time. It was work related but it was so heart warming. Actually, just a few nice words can really make the day. I wish people could appreciate more than they do. I try to appreciate everything good that comes to me. And I'm sure am very thankful over how everything has settled for me in this city. I've been thinking a lot of it lately. I am actually living here, earning my own money. All clothes, food, stuff I buy is for my own money. I am honestly really proud. Great things comes to them who fights :)
Now it's time for me to sleep. 5 days of work is waiting.
Night xx
måndag 2 mars 2015
Transformed into a proper lady
Hej vänner!
Så vart det mars och våren börjar smyga sig på i London! Hurraaa!!!
Just nu sitter jag bara och tar det lugnt. Ska försöka köra ett litet träningspass om en stund. De sålde hantlar på 99p store så jag bara, well hello I'm going to become a hot, fit lady. Typ. Påtal om lady, jag är fortfarande efter typ 1,5 år i London så himla ovan om någon kallar mig lady. Idag var jag på museum och åkte en hiss, skulle gå ur hissen och en pappa med sitt barn sa "Let the lady go out first". Jag kände bara... ja. Lady ja. Ok. Känner mig snarare som Lufsen, men ok.
Var du på museum, tänker ni nu säkert. Och ja, det var jag. På loppet av en vecka har jag varit på tre museum. British museum, V&A och Science museum. Det är så att alla mina närmaste vänner bestämde sig för att lämna landet på en och samma dag. Antagligen kommer de alla tillbaka på samma dag också. Så då blev jag ensam kvar. Och istället för att jobba ihjäl mig, tänkte jag att varför inte bli lite ordentlig. Ingen annan man måste träffa eller tänka på (menar ju inte nu att det är jobbigt att träffa vänner haha) men egentid kam vara skönt. Så senaste tiden har jag lagat väldigt mycket mat, städat och köpt organiskt shampoo (vuxenpoäng!!!) Samt då blivit mer kulturell och gått på museum!! Det var faktiskt skönt. Gå runt där, ensam och bara titta på saker. Mys!
Så ja. Linda växer upp och blir en ordentlig lady. Har till och med köpt mig en till viktigklänning. En riktig Londonklänning. Classy och enkel. Den får ni se när man kan börja gå barbent eller i tunna strumpbyxor!
Nähä, nu ska jag träna! Nu vet ni att jag lever i alla fall. Pussssss
lördag 7 februari 2015
Two annoying things with clubbing
Wait. There's a thing I want to share with you. That really, really freaking bothers me. Haha. No I'm not grumpy.
But last weekend me and a friend went clubbing. And a FEW times, or basically everytime I'm out somewhere people ask you where you from. It's not like in the small city in Sweden where people ask you "which school did you go to?" kind of. In London the standard question is "Where are you from?" So 7 out of 10 times when someones asks me this (this is when I was not blonde then) I answer Sweden ofcourse and what do they say?? "Where's your blonde hair? Where's your blue eyes?" Just.. excuse me what. Last weekend, I honestly reached my limit and became so annoyed I yelled at the guy and told him to just shut up. (Most of the time I use to be quite friendly to people) However. It just, it bothers me. All these cliches are bleh. No I don't have long superblonde hair, I don't have blue eyes and a perfect little nose. Or big boobs and superlong legs.
What do you want me to say when you say "Where's your blonde hair and blue eyes?" Shall I say "Oh, you know what, I don't know... wait I'm going to call my mom, maybe I'm adpoted!!!" Or what?
And another thing that just pisses me off. I'm pretty clear if I want to dance/flirt or whatever with someone. (Now when I have a bf I'm not doing anything of it becacuse I just feel uncomfortable just being close to someone else) Whateever. WHAT is it EXACTLY that is HARD to UNDERSTAND when a girl says NO? Tell me. Please. I really don't understand. If she says no. It's a freaking no.
Like last weekend, it was a guy he was a like a plaster and he tried everything and I told him that I'm not interested and I have a boyfriend. First he calls me a liar. Sorry what. I know girls can say they have a boyfriend just to get rid of someone. But either way she has one or not, don't freaking call her a liar. Just there a guy should understand that she is not interested. And then it comes... "but it's just dancing". First of all, if it's just dancing. You can dance half a meter/a meter away from me, you don't need to stand 2 cm from me and try to hug me. Just don't. When she once again says "No." You don't tell her "Uhhh you are sooooo boring. I know you have a boyfriend but cmon". CMON WHAT? What? Yes, if you know I have a boyfriend, don't freaking hug me in a flirty way. It's not like she would be like "Ah ok, whatever". Last weekend I had to tell a guy like this no probably 30 times. In the end I was so annoyed by it I just stopped and told him to honestly leave me the fuck alone. Like before, I do not use to yell and be rude to people. But when people can't accept a no, I'm not going to accept that either.
So basically. I'm just really pissed and annoyed by the fact that girls can't go out clubbing without having an idiot or two behind you. And yes, it is extra annoying when you actually do have a relationship.
But last weekend me and a friend went clubbing. And a FEW times, or basically everytime I'm out somewhere people ask you where you from. It's not like in the small city in Sweden where people ask you "which school did you go to?" kind of. In London the standard question is "Where are you from?" So 7 out of 10 times when someones asks me this (this is when I was not blonde then) I answer Sweden ofcourse and what do they say?? "Where's your blonde hair? Where's your blue eyes?" Just.. excuse me what. Last weekend, I honestly reached my limit and became so annoyed I yelled at the guy and told him to just shut up. (Most of the time I use to be quite friendly to people) However. It just, it bothers me. All these cliches are bleh. No I don't have long superblonde hair, I don't have blue eyes and a perfect little nose. Or big boobs and superlong legs.
What do you want me to say when you say "Where's your blonde hair and blue eyes?" Shall I say "Oh, you know what, I don't know... wait I'm going to call my mom, maybe I'm adpoted!!!" Or what?
And another thing that just pisses me off. I'm pretty clear if I want to dance/flirt or whatever with someone. (Now when I have a bf I'm not doing anything of it becacuse I just feel uncomfortable just being close to someone else) Whateever. WHAT is it EXACTLY that is HARD to UNDERSTAND when a girl says NO? Tell me. Please. I really don't understand. If she says no. It's a freaking no.
Like last weekend, it was a guy he was a like a plaster and he tried everything and I told him that I'm not interested and I have a boyfriend. First he calls me a liar. Sorry what. I know girls can say they have a boyfriend just to get rid of someone. But either way she has one or not, don't freaking call her a liar. Just there a guy should understand that she is not interested. And then it comes... "but it's just dancing". First of all, if it's just dancing. You can dance half a meter/a meter away from me, you don't need to stand 2 cm from me and try to hug me. Just don't. When she once again says "No." You don't tell her "Uhhh you are sooooo boring. I know you have a boyfriend but cmon". CMON WHAT? What? Yes, if you know I have a boyfriend, don't freaking hug me in a flirty way. It's not like she would be like "Ah ok, whatever". Last weekend I had to tell a guy like this no probably 30 times. In the end I was so annoyed by it I just stopped and told him to honestly leave me the fuck alone. Like before, I do not use to yell and be rude to people. But when people can't accept a no, I'm not going to accept that either.
So basically. I'm just really pissed and annoyed by the fact that girls can't go out clubbing without having an idiot or two behind you. And yes, it is extra annoying when you actually do have a relationship.
Blondes have more fun?
Good evening peeps.
Today was a happy day. I went back to blonde. My black hair turned out to be 50 shades of gray, so I took a horrible smelling hair colour removal and it removed every single black ..thing.. on my hair!
Now I'm just stuck in wondering if I should keep it like it is "natural blonde", go blonder or go brown? I'm not doing black again.. plus last time I had black hair I had "that" style. I don't feel that the black reflected me anymore.
So basically I've become a boring freaking normal person who do not want to be special in any way. Haha. Really. If I would compare my style, my lifestyle and just my way of thinking depending on when I was just 18. I really don't know what happend there. (Linda it could be what people call growing up)Well, well. I guess I'm cool like I am.
Tonight was the night of MELLOMYS! 6 Saturdays from now it will be the swedish Eurovision-competition and it's sooo cozy to just have loads of snacks and watch the show! When my dear Alexandra is coming back we will for sure have the best Mellomys ever.
I've also been at IKEA today and ooh.. it's probably my favourite place in the whole of London. I basically walked in and after 10 minutes I had 10 meatballs, mash and peas and lingonberry in my belly. SO YUMMY! Plus I found some really good things, a lovely pillow for £1!!!
I was watching some old videos from my old Youtube channel before.. awww... both fun and awkward.
Me and Alexadra promise as soon as she is back here we will start uploading on our channel! We were supposed to do it already in January, but unfortunately some stuff happend, which we will tell you about in our video. But WE WILL BE THERE! Sooner than you think! Don't forget to subscribe!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIDAfBf1-O6qS1AodSBdJKw
Ok, I'm working tomorrow. So should sleep soon. But I'll keep thinking of which hair colour I should have this spring. I'm ready to look fierce this year. I'll speak to you later.
Ciao.¨
Today was a happy day. I went back to blonde. My black hair turned out to be 50 shades of gray, so I took a horrible smelling hair colour removal and it removed every single black ..thing.. on my hair!
Now I'm just stuck in wondering if I should keep it like it is "natural blonde", go blonder or go brown? I'm not doing black again.. plus last time I had black hair I had "that" style. I don't feel that the black reflected me anymore.
So basically I've become a boring freaking normal person who do not want to be special in any way. Haha. Really. If I would compare my style, my lifestyle and just my way of thinking depending on when I was just 18. I really don't know what happend there. (Linda it could be what people call growing up)Well, well. I guess I'm cool like I am.
Tonight was the night of MELLOMYS! 6 Saturdays from now it will be the swedish Eurovision-competition and it's sooo cozy to just have loads of snacks and watch the show! When my dear Alexandra is coming back we will for sure have the best Mellomys ever.
I've also been at IKEA today and ooh.. it's probably my favourite place in the whole of London. I basically walked in and after 10 minutes I had 10 meatballs, mash and peas and lingonberry in my belly. SO YUMMY! Plus I found some really good things, a lovely pillow for £1!!!
I was watching some old videos from my old Youtube channel before.. awww... both fun and awkward.
Me and Alexadra promise as soon as she is back here we will start uploading on our channel! We were supposed to do it already in January, but unfortunately some stuff happend, which we will tell you about in our video. But WE WILL BE THERE! Sooner than you think! Don't forget to subscribe!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIDAfBf1-O6qS1AodSBdJKw
Ok, I'm working tomorrow. So should sleep soon. But I'll keep thinking of which hair colour I should have this spring. I'm ready to look fierce this year. I'll speak to you later.
Ciao.¨
onsdag 28 januari 2015
10 years with the greatest
However. I still listen to his music regularly and I have to say no one can explain my thoughts like his music. DAMN PEOPLE! It's time for Darin to take over the world!
I'm ready for another 10 years with his music. If no one is playing Darin on my funeral I'll not be happy. ;-)
fredag 16 januari 2015
Friiiiiiiidaaaay
What an AMAZING day!!! Payday!!!! I've been so tight with money after xmas, it's been ridiculous!
So to get paid today, bless!!!! I congratulated myself for surviving with bad food, no transport and no freaking life for almost 2 weeks, with... going to Oxford St!! Yayy... No, even if I walked the whole street, I only got a few things. The best feeling is when u find something on sale and thr cashier says "it's half price of the sale" and you only have to pay 2,50 for a pair of pants!!!! U feel me girls?? Mostly I don't talk a lot with the seller in a store but that moment I even got a "Oh my, thats fabulous!" coming out of my mouth. As u can tell, a bit of shopping really makes my day after 2 rough weeks.
Tomorrow or maybe Sunday I will do my own beloved salad. I must give you my own idea. If you never tried watermelon, apple and goat cheese together. Just do it. It's so easy and so good! !!!!
I'm working tomorrow, but don't stay before 12,but I will enjoy my sleep to the fullest because I will work early almost every day until Thursday. Cashflow!!
And on Sunday, Alexandra is coming! Can I be more excited? (Ok maybe if someone gave me a time machine so I could fast forward to summer) Sorry Alexandra.
Now sweethearts, I will watch a movie or not and then sleep! Good night x
torsdag 15 januari 2015
YOUTUBE, WE'RE COMING FOR YA
Nu, damer och herrar missar ni INTE att prenumerera på min och Alexandras sprillans nya YouTube-kanal. Vi har ordentligt mycket planer för detta och ni bör inte missa detta. Ni kommer få se London på de sätt ni aldrig trodde London kunde bli sett på. Ni kommer få veta våra egna tips om vad man ska tänka på när man flyttar hit. Och vi hoppas på att hitta fler människor som delar vår humor, för skratt och åter skratt ska det bli!
SE VÅR TRAILER NEDAN OCH PRENUMERERA!
SE VÅR TRAILER NEDAN OCH PRENUMERERA!
onsdag 14 januari 2015
If I want it, I'll take it.
It rarely happens that I start my laptop as it almost started burning not long ago. However I dared and I'm on it right now. If this post stops in the middle of the sentence I burned up... ok?
So today was my last day off in a while. Now I'm going to work for 8 days in a row. To be fully prepared for this I scratched my last pennies (don't worry I got my food and everything important first) and walked away to Boots (I've recently experienced my area and found out a lot of cool things!!! For example there's a cinema not far away selling CANDY KING! Swedish sweets people!!!) Back to focus. I walked to Boots. Got my colour and BAM! I'm black like the darkness of the night. Uh. And damn, I look good! Last time I had black hair, I must admit I'd never felt so good ever. And I think, just a new piece of cloth and I'll ready to do this! (Whatever I'm doing hehe)
First I tried to do a ombre look, but then I remembered, I'm not a hairdresser, so I did everything black. I must say, black can really change depending on how you wear it, if you wear it with rock style black hair looks a bit rough. If you wear it with pretty dresses, it looks really cute. And if you wear it with simple, basic clothes it looks really classy.
I've really taken my time to plan my year. How I will develope both myself, my style and also how I'll save and make the most out of the money I earn. No more cheap things every week. I will rather save it for something a bit more luxurus. (London is really taking my mind again).
I feel this thing this year, I don't know... I feel girl power. I feel that hell yeah, this year I'm gonna show what this girl can do. I'm glad I've got my motivation back. I lost it there for a while, but people who know me long time back knows I can be very motivated and really do what I want. I've missed that girl. The girls who think "Hm, I want to do that, so I'll do that". It was that girl who went to London. It was that girl who thought "I want to move to London" So I did.
Today I felt, I want change, so I dye my hair. Me and my friend has some big plans and I'm glad she's like me. We want something, so we do it. I'm not gonna sit around being lame and feeling sad that I don't do anything. If I want, I can do whatever I want. Watch me. I'm feeling more confident and stronger than ever!
I would look after that girl too if I saw her walking down the street! ;-)
tisdag 13 januari 2015
Some of the best moments in my life
To be feel a bit extra happy I started to think of good memories in my life and thought I should mention just a few of them, and when i feel sad, i can just read this. there's so many!!!
1. When I became auntie first time, after first time, every time has been amazing! Love them all to bits and my auntie heart will always feel strong and careful for them. But the first time was really amazing, I had never held a newborn before and he was the first baby in our family after me.
2. When I graduated. Do I even have to explain? I've never been a school-person and to leave and have full freedom.. so amazing!
3. When I was at a Darin concert and he played Strobelight... unbelievable feeling.
4. When I met my first cat for the first time. She was soooo tiny and she took my heart straight away. Since then I'm basically became a over carefully and protective person.
5. When my grandfather always asked me if I wanted butter in the hole on the pretzels.
6. When my mom came to London. ♥
7. When me and my childhood friends went to Stockholm.
8. When I met Katy Perry.
9. When I hug my nephews and nieces, that's when you feel true love!!
10. When me and dad went on road trips when I was younger.
11. All trips to Stockholm with my mom.
12. When my mom called me on my 21st birthday!
Sooooooo many memories, and all thanks to all lovely people I have in my life. I wish I could have you all closer than you are, cuz without the people the love and the people who loves you, life is worth nothing. Xxxxx
måndag 12 januari 2015
Having no regrets is all that she really wants
Today Londons weather sucked and I had to go to the bank...yay. I just want summer now!!!! Imagine walking around in pretty dresses, fabulous shoes and just feel fresh! Winter is such a outfit killer. I've never been good at looking good during winter. You need big coats and scarfs and so on so why does it matter what you have under?
Nope, I want spring to come now! Life is better in spring too.
Earlier I was looking at pictures from last winter. Im still the best of changing my look. Thank God I'm getting fiercer (is that even a word?) For every year that goes. I'm excited for this year cuz this year my hair will be long and I'm just excited about that.
Sometimes I think how much I've changed in just a couple of years. A few years ago I would never have the hair colour I have now. I would definitely not dress in basic clothes like I do now (I'm becoming boring) and I would probably not go out without make up as often as I do. 4/5 days in a week I don't wear make up. I wish I took the time because I like having make up. But I just love to sleep too much, so i can't do it in the morning. Problems huh?!
I'm actually getting excited about life right now. Or maybe not at the moment as I've got the monthly girly pain so I'm a bit all over the place. But not thinking of that I'm excited about life. I've motivated myself during the lasts week and decided I can't go on doing not a shit. So I'll make sure this year will be life changing. In the end of 2015 I want to be able to say "2015 has been the best year so far". It's all about how you decide to think, if you are positive, your life will be positive.
I've felt lately I've been quite lame and I've not been the girl I used to be. So it's time to bring back my super spontaneous, positive and crazy mind and just be 100% free. Don't worry too much about everything and just go with the flow.
2015, I'm ready for you, be ready for me, cuz I'm ready to improve my life to the better!
Prenumerera på:
Inlägg (Atom)